Here’s the skinny about really being secure… It’s not about not being jealous, envious or having self-pity. It’s about knowing your faults albeit, recognizing or assessing them yet being 100% OKAY with someone not being able to accept them.
I’m a person that no matter how dismissive I can be or find most people’s P.O.V. benign or delusional I do enjoy talking, sharing ideas and helping other young men build their confidence. Even with this site, I know I talk a lot about being fit and dressing great that may come off to others as if I have body image issues. However, that is so far from the underlying attitude of this site that I’m willing to run the distance between the two because I’m sure to burn a few 1000 calories.
I honestly wholeheartedly believe that everyone should and deserve to be the best possible YOU they can be, even if it’s being the best at your job, as a lover, a dressers, a friend, mentally, emotionally or physically.
We all should thrive to get to a point of our lives to where no one can point out our faults and we fester in that angst causing immobility of self progression.
Here recently I was conversing with a young black gay man about confidence and security. As I was giving him my opinions about dating, sexuality and self worth he simply asked me, “how did you get so confident?” At first I was taken aback by the question because in all my self-realization I know for sure I still have things to work on and that the failure of learning is basically giving up on life, although I still had an answer.
The reason I speak so “matter-of-factly” on things is because I’m completely secure with myself. Being secure didn’t merely come from liking what I see in the mirror, it also in part of learning from mistakes, always being honest with myself and most importantly being able to be alone with myself.
Security is protection, and to be able to protect yourself you have to equip yourself with artillery that will help you survive. Those things are developing common sense, an education and being street smart. Yes you should have self worth but in order to have that you have to be honesty and understand all the good, bad and mediocrity about yourself.
Because I’m constantly learning and challenging myself I know that there is nothing about me that someone can say that will make me fall down a foxhole of dark despair from which that comment came from. Security is about knowing that your contribution is important regardless of a contradictory opinion.
Building my self-esteem was (still being) developed by thinking objectively. I use every opportunity to grow, whether it’s a failed relationship, poor test grades or a less than great work review. I have to try to understand what the other person is thinking in order to see myself in a different light to push myself to be better. Along with having great parents, outspoken friends and accepting life as it is, I had to really get in touch with ME. Not every judgment of you should be put under major scrutiny (that’s how self doubt is grown) but when more than one person has pointed out something about you maybe it’s time to reevaluate. I can’t let other people’s opinion about me get me down, however I can use it to elevate myself. Security is more than knowing what you bring to the table; real security is when they don’t take from your table then what’s your reaction after that.
You can’t make someone like you because you like them, you can’t fault someone for not reciprocation interest but you can switch up your approach. Go after something else, be more than just your shortcomings and deal in facts.
Doubts are devised in opinions, which lead to insecurity; clarity is mastered in facts that mature security.
Be open and real with yourself; only you know what you are capable of, therefore how can someone dictate what you are. Look outside yourself to really see yourself. My idea of security is less about walking in a room and being the most confident, fit or intellectually but knowing that I matter.
I know that others may not view me in the same light as I view myself and I’m 100% okay with that. Whether I’m giving an ultimatum, being turned down or severing ties with someone I’m secure in who am to make that leap and get past it.