Tag Archives: Friendships

“Getting back to ME! 2.0”

28 Jan


There’s no other diluted, delusional, renewed outlook on life mantra I have great disdain for other than the “going back to the old me” many mentally and emotionally stuck referrer to when looking for answers after an unsatisfactory chain of events.

I, like many of you get off track, loose focus or could have handle some situations better that have me questioning the person I’ve become. When I’m going through confusing or overwhelming current life happenings of course the past looks simpler and easier than things are now.

Nevertheless, this backwards way of thinking is the reason why many can’t find direction in life, chase unrealistic dreams and can’t seem to successfully deal with conflict or disappointment because they are still hiding from their mediocrity behind a wall of lies they’ve built as to why their past self was so “great.”

I’ve noticed that some people first response or resolution to dealing with a current life hurdle is to proclaim to go to/get back to the old “me” because somehow the person they have grown pass will better help them deal with the present.

I get it, people will try to hoodwink, bamboozle, run-a-muck or simply piss you off. However, in what parallel university will it be a forward move for you to set a goal of self-growth based on things/experiences you’ve already done, poorly? We should always be aiming to become better in general.

Worry less about who you use to be or how you would’ve dealt with people “if this was two years ago” but more so on using your current situation to reevaluate yourself to restructure a way of thinking and execution to propel you into a better you.

Pain, angst and disappointment is temporary that’s why the body forgets it so easily, also why we have a tendency to romanticize past life events as we look back trying to recapture those great moments of late night early morning past. Not realizing those great moments came with some tough times and bad mistake themselves.

Let’s take why you’re fat for example (YES, we are here again, it’s always about your gut) right now you’re annoyed with your current size, don’t know where to start on a fitness journey and as you look over pictures from high school or before the kids you realized you were rather stealth. The first inclining your delusional self-conscious tells you… man I need to get back to that body. Yes, you look slim in those pics, was in the gym 5 days a week and as you look down at your gut that person in the pictures seems to be a sexier livelier you.

However, if you go back mentally to that time of picture perfect physique you’ll your remember you HATED your body then. As well as, you didn’t have a job, family, relationship and a crammed schedule that kept you from the gym, eating crappy meals to save time and relationship issues that kept you up at night in the Krispy Kreme drive-thru. Even how you interact with people, looking for a career, or simply trying to find motivation to create purpose for your life, going back to a ghost of a person that didn’t have it all together in first place, hence the reason you’re at this personality crossroads isn’t a progressive solution but one that will forever keep you stuck.

Yes, you have many great qualities that you may have let go unused but, going forward shouldn’t require or inspire you to go back. Take all the great and horrible things from your past to map out a plan to get you out of your current rut and use your goal to build a better you with the motivation it will take to use that plan to execute your dreams.

Don’t be that old drunk that always reminiscing about what they use to have or what they use to be. Always be pushing forward take all you life happenings and let the be a point of reference of things you need to work, elevated to leave behind. Dwelling on the past albeit good or bad will not help your present or help you arrive at a progressive future. Whatever you want to fix or get a handle on in your life (physical, emotional, career, financially or relationship wise) isn’t about chasing a dream of delusional years past but creating a new you.

Be the YOU right now– 2.0!


Go Be Fat With Your Man.

6 Oct

Travis Smith by James WhiteTravis Smith by James White for HERO magazine

Am I the only one that always proclaim that the minute I lose this weight, tone these thigh or build this chest that I’m never putting on clothes every again? I understand why muscle boys cut up every shirt that makes it into their closets, even their winter attire consist of deep V- necks and extra small cowl-necks to display their cut physique.

I’m a fan only because I know how much time in the gym, deprivation in the kitchen and discipline at catered functions goes into chiseling a chiseled body. With all that focus you deserve the right to walk around in barely there attire. After all it’s great daily thinspiration for us onlookers, right.

Take dating for instance, I’m a very understanding, supportive no fuss friend when it comes to my close friends getting new mates. You’ll never hear me complaining about my friends being boo’d up, canceling plans with me for their lover or ignoring my phone calls (if they even attempt to call) as they become immersed in their new romance.

As a friend and a participating dating person I am aware of the stress, mistakes and wanting for companionship that we deal with in this crazy dating world.

I’m pro romance, my only caution is that they maintain their midriff because we all know the pounds that comes along with being in a relationship. Besides, when the relationship is over it’s going to be hard to find another suitor with a gut. I guess that’s why revenge exercise exists.

I get that when you have finally find someone that turns you on mentally, emotionally, spiritually and of course physically that’s all you want to do is be with them. Your friends can only give you so much that a person who knows you intimately gives more. Otherwise, all that calorie counting and subtracting goes in vain.

I even understand and I’m that friend that will be there with open arms and a buddy pass to the gym when the love affair is over and you need a friend again. Friends are the family you get to choose but being in a committed relationship is the ultimate goal for some.

I always tell my friends the moment I get a man I’m never answering the phone again! I know when I don’t hear from my friends it must be going good, it’s that late night phone call of them crying that I’m scared of.

I will admit it took me a while to be so perceptive. I was like many of you bitter fatso’s when my friend would disappear the moment they went steady. I no longer had my clubbing buddy, gym partner or sidekick to get in trouble with not realizing that I was focusing too much on being with my friends and not creating my own family. I think that today’s independent society has shamed people or romantics into not wanting or exclaiming their want for a relationship or to be all about their significant other.

Cut to today, with all my friends getting married and birthing babies our infamous getaways have turned into long, noisy and sometimes boring anniversary and birthday parties. I’ve totally mastered the consuming effect that relationships have. All that time away they were off building a wonderful next chapter to their life and it was time for me to do so as well.

Now that I’m dating and found someone that is seemingly the guy for me I completely see how one can get lost and forget the outside world. When you’re dating someone that is really patient, responsive and ken to your personality and desires (vise versa) its automatic that you would want to spend all your time with them.

I now know firsthand that when you’re really enjoying your relationship it’s like being on your own private island that you don’t want to leave. If you pick your mate well you then have someone to talk to about your friends and family, someone to go out with or on trips that isn’t your friends and to share the emotional and finical load that don’t come with friendship. Or simply someone to lay up with. Let’s face it, you can’t screw your friends, and if you are then that isn’t your friend and you both are delusional.

Relationships are engulfing due to the security and adventure that comes with it. I believe it’s perfectly fine to drop your friends for a lover. I can’t begin to explain the things a healthy relationship can do for you that friends can’t. Friends are a great support system but to not understand your friends absence whenever they are dating is selfish and greedy. You shouldn’t want your friend to be lonely like you. Yes, there is balance in between the two but there also should be acceptance from you as a friend.

I remember the day when my married friends would die to hang with me and I would send them home with the tagline “go home to your man, don’t be out here struggling with me because the second I find someone to go home with you’re by yourself.”

The 5 Second Rule Only Applies to Food.

30 Jul

John Bartlett SS13John Bartlett SS/13 Cruelty Free Collection

I try my best to live very eco-friendly; all my household cleaning products are bio degradable, I bike, I’m water efficient, only use electricity (other than my computer) at night, I eat natural/organic and of course I recycle.

Still, no matter how much I am pro “reduce, reuse, recycle’’ I do NOT believe in recycling penis.

Which leads me to a question that I am constantly dissecting with friends: What does it really means to be friends with your ex?

I feel as though my friends and I have the most profound conversations over food. Howbeit, my little way of distracting them from eating. I’m a great friend I save them from empty calories anyway possible.

Meanwhile, can you really befriends with an ex. Most people answer no and look at others with a very suspecting denouncing look if they say yes. Personally I don’t care if we just were talking, went a few dates or once was in a full blown relationship when it’s over it’s over. I really don’t care to travel down that road again there are too many guys out here to backtrack. Does that mean we can’t be cordial? No, however we must understand what it really means to be friends with your ex.

There are two types of friends: Recycled Penis & Converted Relationship.

Recycled Penis: This is usually when you or the other party didn’t want to breakup but circumstances dictated otherwise. One is hanging around maybe waiting on the relationship to rekindle. Someone did something ruthless to cause the breakup and the guilt makes them feel obligated to stay around. More importantly the sex is reliable and good not to mention one of you are too lazy to move so you’ve conjured up this scheme of “let’s be friends.”

Converted Relationship: You’ve spent majority of your time with this person they know more about you than your friends as well as, they are a breath of fresh air from your friends. The romance didn’t quite work but you guys can really count on one another. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” -Sun-Tzu, I mean they do know all your secrets. Also, because you two once dated they are still obligated to do the boring things you want to do that your friends are always too busy to do. In addition to mature people are to be able to understand the end of something and realize the start of something better. Just because you aren’t sleeping together doesn’t mean you can’t like each other. The conversation was great but the sex was awkward and uneventful.

Now here’s where most of you delusional hippos get being friends with your ex ridiculously confused.

When you’re ex isn’t your ex: If your guys are still screwing, leading on one another one, still fighting when you could just not speak and getting jealous when they are dating someone else.

As for myself, yes I think I can be friends with an ex. I can credit the example my parents’ relationship set. Three years ago my parents got a divorce but they are the best of friends, they still attend family functions, still hangout and help each other in a pinch. They are better friends than married and they understand that. When I’m not judging you on your eating habits I can be a nice person. I cherish people that come into my life I remember that there was a time when I longed for said ex to be in my life. I feel the worst thing I can do to a person is not have them in my life so it’s either way with me. If I still adore their charming and admirable qualities then why not remain friends. I do understand that if they meet someone new that isn’t comfortable with our background it’s perfectly fine to discontinue the friendship.

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