Don’t Seat Me With Fatties!

15 Sep

If you don’t have money to tip your server then take your overused esophagus and gut to McDonald’s.

Ever since I announced that my birthday diet (I want to lose roughly about 30lbs by October 31, 2011) is in full effect everyone all of a sudden wants to take me to dinner.

Not only does the idea of eating as a form of weekend entertainment annoys me like a linebacker built girl in a “one size fits all” pair of tights that she obviously wasn’t considered in the size generalization I am absolutely chafed by a poor tipper.

Seems as though everyone wants to dine out at stylish and chic eateries but don’t want to pay for the services.

Last night I had dinner at the Japanese restaurant Sumo’s with a classmate (I only agreed to hanging out with him because I still haven’t purchased that Spanish book and he doesn’t mind sharing) and his three friends; one who just didn’t tip period, the other who thought two dollars was a good enough tip even though his bill came to 100 dollars and a hog who nitpicked with the waiter so that she didn’t have to leave a tip.

What was mind blowing or should I say gut busting about all these people they were donned in high-end clothing, designers shoes and 80 dollar haircuts.

I just couldn’t understand how a group of people could be so stylish yet so cheap then, I though there’s that word again “stylish.”

I’m becoming aware that “stylish” strictly pertains to clothing and not the overall way a person presents themselves to the world.

As the bill came to the table I noticed everyone was very generous with their forks and food but quite stingy with their tips leaving me to compensate for their lack of generosity.

One of the many things I do not do is take the slack for someone else so, of course I went ZIGGTY BOOM on the whole table. After sheer embarrassment they all came up with sizable tips for our nice waitress and she was thin I might add I just couldn’t let them not pay her proper respect.

To avoid me from exploded on you at our next dinning experience here are some tips to tipping.

Drive Through: Just as you consider if you can afford cheese on your burger the same decision making process should apply at a fine or casual restaurant. If you don’t have the money to tip then you don’t have the money to order.

Consideration: If you don’t intend to tip, then you should tell the waiter up front so that he/she can decide whether or not to provide service to your greedy a**.

Menu: Unsure about what to tip? Well remember this, 15% – 25% of the total bill before taxes. Personally I start my tip at 15% so better the service the higher the percentage the worse the service then it’s back at 15%.

Note to self: Hard day? Feeling a little crotchety? Someone was sharp with you? Well, guess what! Servers don’t always have dandy days either. Show them a little mercy and assume the best about them.

Checks & Balances: I do understand we sometimes receive poor service however, instead of skipping the tip, talk to the manager about poor service. Skipping the tip will not accomplish anything. The next unsuspecting customer who gets that server will get the same service you did. I talk to the manager when I receive poor and outstanding service.

Big Spender: If you are buying the meal and someone offers to get the tip, tell them they can buy next time and you pay the whole thing. This arrests any hesitation of them seeing the amount of the bill and worrying that they will be stingy on the tip.

Please don’t be one of those poor “stylish” people who can spend a pretty penny on a beautiful expensive ensemble but leave coins at the dining table.
You don’t want to feel my wrath!


4 Responses to “Don’t Seat Me With Fatties!”

  1. Dewitt September 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    I love it! That is sooo true, I can’t stand people who do that! Especially when I tip!

  2. Monroe Steele September 18, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    this is efffin hilarious lol

    xoxo Monroe

    Fashion Steele NYC

  3. Jimmy September 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    I just died laughing!!!!! ZIGGITY BOOM!


  4. Kiah November 28, 2011 at 10:15 am #

    People who don’t tip really boil my blood! We always tip 15-20%. People who don’t tip have no home training! Kiah

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